Why does it have to hurt so bad?
That is the question I have been asking myself alot lately. We are all used to have hurt and at times deep hurt, but it usually comes in waves, with periods of comfort and no major issues. For my wife and I it has been wave after wave for almost 2 years. There are times I just pray and ask God to please take it all away. I know that was a famous commercial, that said using Calgon could “take me away”. I wish I had something that could take me away from this pain and hurt.
I know most of the correct answers, the right scripture verses, right theology, and where and to whom to turn, but…… There are days (multiple each week), I just beg and ask God to ease my personal pain. It is intense and deep. I see it in my wife way too often. The nights we still can’t sleep, cry, ask questions nobody can answer, see bills we have trouble paying and know our house is only ours for a few short weeks or months. The bank is about to take it. The possibility of foreclosure and possible bankruptcy loom in the days ahead. How can this be? We did nothing wrong and it was proven, but those who know the truth have surpressed it for their own benefit. They continue to lie and mislead.Those who did wrong have their job, house, vacations and lifestyle as it was before and what do we have to show for our 20+ years of service to the Lord? No money, no house, no insurance, no savings, a part time job, and a good name that has been unjustly drug thru the mud.
Lord, why does it have to hurt so bad?
Then my wife and I question why we went into serving at the local church. Was this all worth what happened to us? NO. We could have just had a secular job and served as a SS teacher and choir member. That is where we are headed to now. But we have NOTHING to show for our 20+ years of faithful service. Why does it have to hurt so bad?
I used to hear all of the stats about the burnout and dropout rate of those in the ministry and I would say, “that will never be me.” Well, it is me! All because a pastor was jealous of me (and at least 8 pastors I know of) and could not stand it if he were not the center of attention. How could this be? How can a man stand in the pulpit and declare God’s word, when he has personally DESTROYED a family and has no issues with it? When confronted on it (multiple times), he says he did it all by the book (Bible), but I don’t see it anywhere in my Bible.
Oh, that the church knew the whole truth. It is too sad that many of them do and have buried their head in the sand and said, “I don’t want to get involved, it is not my place to step in, who am I to judge, or I have seen what happens to those that question the pastor and I am not going to do that.” I never knew the church would resemble the world so much. How could so many I loved, prayed for, visited, led to the Lord, called on, took care of and ministered to (as well as my wife did), turn their backs on us and still have the nerve to still speak to us and ask us how are we doing? Too many questions and not enough answers. Why does it have to hurt so bad?
What if more churches did what this church did? Wow. I don’t think I will ever see this at the church my family so faithfully served at. TOO much pride involved from the top on down. Why does it have to hurt so bad Lord?
Why does it have to hurt so bad?