Why does it have to hurt so bad

Why does it have to hurt so bad?

That is the question I have been asking myself alot lately. We are all used to have hurt and at times deep hurt, but it usually comes in waves, with periods of comfort and no major issues. For my wife and I it has been wave after wave for almost 2 years. There are times I just pray and ask God to please take it all away. I know that was a famous commercial, that said using Calgon could “take me away”. I wish I had something that could take me away from this pain and hurt.

I know most of the correct answers, the right scripture verses, right theology, and where and to whom to turn, but…… There are days (multiple each week), I just beg and ask God to ease my personal pain. It is intense and deep. I see it in my wife way too often. The nights we still can’t sleep, cry, ask questions nobody can answer, see bills we have trouble paying and know our house is only ours for a few short weeks or months. The bank is about to take it. The possibility of foreclosure and possible bankruptcy loom in the days ahead. How can this be? We did nothing wrong and it was proven, but those who know the truth have surpressed it for their own benefit. They continue to lie and mislead.Those who did wrong have their job, house, vacations and lifestyle as it was before and what do we have to show for our 20+ years of service to the Lord? No money, no house, no insurance, no savings, a part time job, and a good name that has been unjustly drug thru the mud.

Lord, why does it have to hurt so bad?

Then my wife and I question why we went into serving at the local church. Was this all worth what happened to us? NO. We could have just had a secular job and served as a SS teacher and choir member. That is where we are headed to now. But we have NOTHING to show for our 20+ years of faithful service. Why does it have to hurt so bad?

I used to hear all of the stats about the burnout and dropout rate of those in the ministry and I would say, “that will never be me.” Well, it is me! All because a pastor was jealous of me (and at least 8 pastors I know of) and could not stand it if he were not the center of attention. How could this be? How can a man stand in the pulpit and declare God’s word, when he has personally DESTROYED a family and has no issues with it? When confronted on it (multiple times), he says he did it all by the book (Bible), but I don’t see it anywhere in my Bible.

Oh, that the church knew the whole truth. It is too sad that many of them do and have buried their head in the sand and said, “I don’t want to get involved, it is not my place to step in, who am I to judge, or I have seen what happens to those that question the pastor and I am not going to do that.” I never knew the church would resemble the world so much. How could so many I loved, prayed for, visited, led to the Lord, called on, took care of and ministered to (as well as my wife did), turn their backs on us and still have the nerve to still speak to us and ask us how are we doing? Too many questions and not enough answers. Why does it have to hurt so bad?

What if more churches did what this church did? Wow. I don’t think I will ever see this at the church my family so faithfully served at. TOO much pride involved from the top on down. Why does it have to hurt so bad Lord?

Church asks for forgivenss

Why does it have to hurt so bad?

4 Replies to “Why does it have to hurt so bad”

  1. Brother,

    I don’t know you, but your posting sounded a lot like my own situation.

    My wife and I’ve pastored a church now for 7+ years. Its my first pastorate, and I’m 31 years old. I couldn’t imagine myself in any other position other than the pastorate, yet my wife and I both work outside the home as well as with the church. We too look at the world and see the nice homes, nice cars, retirement funds, etc…things that I long for my family to have, but most likely will never see.

    I wonder sometimes where God is. Why is it that the world has the nice things, yet the ones who serve Him seem to have little to nothing, if anything at all.

    I’ve heard the saying, “The benefits of serving the Lord are out of this world”, and I’m banking on that.

    In my own personal experience, the verses that get me through the roughest times, remind me that we all must give an answer for our actions, and I’m not going to have to answer for the personal decisions that my congregations members make. There will be many true answers given that day, because we will be unable to lie to our Savior. With that in mind, I encourage you brother, lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven where nobody can take them, focus on the eternal, and remember, “Faithful is He who has called you…” Remember, “My grace is sufficient for you…” and “Wait upon the Lord…” because those that do one day will “Rise up with wings as eagles…”

    Galatians 6:9 “And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.”
    2Thessalonians 3:13 “But as for you, brethren, do not grow weary in doing good.”
    Hebrews 12:3 “For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls.”

    Praying for you brother…Fight the good fight, and finish your race.

    1. Thanks for your kind words and scriptures of encouragement. I can always use encouragement, especially in these tough days. Pass this site along to anyone who you think may benefit from it.

  2. I know this pain all too well. It takes a long time to sort it all out. For me it’s been 10 years. It took so long to get past it because I internalized everything and went straight into another ministry position. I didn’t give myself time to grieve, to be angry, to get my head straight. God can handle whatever you throw at him – that’s what I’ve learned. Someone gave me permission to feel what I was feeling deep inside – and I threw it all back at God – the hurt, the blame, the fear, the anger. And he took it and still loved me, and still had a calling for me. Whatever you’re feeling, tell God! He can take it all and make it something different, but you have to share it with him – alone in your room, while driving your car, out walking around the neighborhood – where ever you are, whatever you feel, whenever you feel it, tell God about it. If you hold it in, it will turn toxic. God’s not done with you! His dream for you can’t be destroyed by the enemy! You will be restored, everything you lost will be returned! God is for you – He didn’t bring you here to destroy you or see you destroyed. Your service to him is not in vain. You are a part of the Kingdom and God is on your side! Don’t give up – I am praying for you!

    1. I could not agree more. I needed those kind and encouraging words. Thanks for taking the time to correspond with me.

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