Have you ever had those sleepless nights where you could not get any real sleep? I have had more than I could have ever imagined. They are not from physical strain, but from emotional and spiritual exhaustion. You can’t take a pill for that kind of pain to make it go away.
In the early part of what happened to me and my family I found myself at a breaking point. I had done no wrong, but found myself being accused of something that I did not do. While I was able to show I did not do it and have ample proof, those in leadership at the church did not care. They were bound and determined to get rid of me. At the core of this “witch hunt” was their desire to cover up what they had been doing for years. If I was found innocent of their accusations, then all of their sins and wrongdoings would become evident.
One night, actually 1:30 in the morning, I became so despondent that I didn’t want to live anymore. While I had no desire to take my own life, I just didn’t want to live with this intense pain anymore. My wife found me on the floor, curled up in a fetal position and crying out and talking incoherently. She asked me, “What is wrong and what can I do for you?” I responded and told her, “I am in pain and I don’t know what to do.” She then asked me, “What can I get for you to make it better?” I told her, “there is nothing you can get for me, because it is my heart that hurts and is breaking and their is no medicine for that!”
What do you do when everything around you is falling in on you? How could I be charged with something so petty and ridiculous and be forced to resign and go before the church to admit my guilt, for something I did not do? What was there to live for? Those in whom I had place my trust were the very ones who had turned on me in a vicious manner.
Then I found myself visualizing my Savior dying a cruel and hateful death on a cross for NO wrong on his part. While the two circumstances were nowhere comparable, I could draw strength and comfort and knowing my Savior had endured what I had and SO much more. He knew my current pain and hurt. He was there for me and with me. While the sting of what was going on in my life, at the moment, was still very real and hurtful (beyond words), I had a Savior who knew me and was reaching out to give me aid and comfort. That is when the song, in the video above, came flooding back to my mind. Christ was running to me. What I discovered, was that when the hurt is SO bad you can’t take it any more, He is still there for you and with you. The paid was still evident, but the Healer of that pain was more evident and real in my life than ever before.
Watch this video to see what gave me comfort and grace at an hour that I needed it more than ever in my life.
Until we meet again…….